to be unable.

i'm unhappy.
unhappy. dissatisfied. annoyed. irritated. frustrated.
and in need of help.

i don't know how to pull through the coming week.

i can't even call on His name anymore.
i can't.
for some reason i feel that i shouldn't call on His name because i fear that i'll be disappointed.
disappointed that even after i call, i don't feel better. i don't get the peace i should get. i don't get the whole person of that name. i fear that He won't be the same to me. i fear that He will not be as real to me as before. i fear that .. even the Lord can't even save me.
oh lord.

i am so tired.
i am so unhappy.
i am so fallen.
so emotional and incapable.
nothing makes me happy anymore.
nothing.